My husband had an affair, but long before he did this he made choices that kept him away from us. Right from the very beginning. He chose other people, other events, other places over his family. So even though our relationship only broke down two months ago I’ve been functioning as a single parent for about eighty percent of the time that Bo has been alive.
My mother was a single parent. When I was eleven my parents marriage ended and my mother became solely responsible for my two younger brothers and I. It sunk her into a deep dark hole. She did the best she could for us, but it nearly destroyed her. I didn’t understand then, but I do now. I didn’t always agree with the choices she made, and I still don’t, but I know that everything she did was out of love for us. I knew then that she wasn’t coping. And I understand that now, more than I ever wanted to.
Except for women who choose to fall pregnant (via sperm donor or the like) and know right from the beginning that they will be a single parent (and for the record I don’t think this makes it any easier really), I don’t think there is a single woman on this earth who faces single parenthood without some reluctance. Doing it alone, for most of us, was never the game plan. Relationships fall apart, people die, people fall out of love, people cheat, people move on, people make choices… good and bad… that affect the course of the lives of everyone around us. We are all intrinsically connected after all.
There is so much to be said about the honest experience of the single parent. There is so much silence surrounding the truth. There are so many things that people are afraid to say. Women so afraid of admitting they aren’t coping. Afraid of the judgment that they face. So many women who are terrified to ask for help. Women who are asking for help and not getting it. Women who are struggling financially, emotionally, spiritually but who aren’t being heard. So many truths that aren’t understood. And therefore, there are so many misrepresentations and the great social prejudice that comes with a great social silence. The attitude that our society has that tends to blame a single mother for her circumstances, I believe, comes from a greater unknowing. An incredible cultural ignorance.
There is a great social prejudice against single mothers. Women who have babies and who leave their husbands. Women who choose to continue a pregnancy even when the paternal father refuses to acknowledge the baby as his responsibility. Women who make great personal sacrifice for the sake of a child. For the well being of a child. The woman who decides to continue a pregnancy even though the man she is with (or was with) chooses to opt out. The attitude of our society that choosing not to terminate a pregnancy somehow equates to her having sole responsibility for the care of that child makes no sense to me. Because of biology (and society) men have the option of cashing out of a relationship, of a family. They can walk away and continue their lives much like before, without great (financial or emotional) responsibility, sleep deprivation or stress. They can go back to friendships and relationships and family… But the woman (and I say woman here, but this is of course not only the case, single dads experience the same if not greater prejudice at times) is left behind. With a great responsibility, (almost always) a decline in living conditions and lifestyle and more often than not no real help.
I don’t think anyone can truly appreciate the incredible emotional responsibility that a woman is left with when she becomes a single parent. It is not only the 24 hour a day 7 days a week responsibility of the care of a child. It is not only the (incredible stress) of sole (in many cases) financial responsibly. It’s not only the incredible pressure of being the only person to make every choice surrounding a child’s care and upbringing and circumstances. It’s not just the fact that it is completely and totally unreasonable that our society expects that ONE person, alone and completely without support can be undeniably patient and giving to a child day in, day out for many, many years. It is insane and it is just not humanly possible. It is all of these things in combination with each other, and so many more.
For me, as a single parent, the biggest challenge with single parenting is time. The lack of time is directly related to my own issues of a loss of identity and self esteem. Issues that I am trying to conquer, trying to overcome, trying to become empowered by, instead of feeling powerless because of. I am a parent for every minute of every day. Even at night when Bo has gone to bed and I have gone to work, sitting at my desk in the spare room, I am still the only parent in the house. I know when she wakes (and she does, often) that it is always me who will go to her. I can’t pop out for a trip to the supermarket alone or catch up with friends without a baby or have a long bath or go for a walk because there is no one else for the day-to-day. It is isolating and it is a very displacing feeling. I’m not sure if anyone who has not lived in it could understand the incredible loneliness that comes from being trapped, in isolation, with a small child the only regular company and a lack of adult conversation. As lovely as my daughter is, and as wonderful a conversationalist she is becoming – we still don’t speak the same language. It’s not enough. That is something that people don’t truly talk about. About the late nights alone. The frustration with a clingy, needy child that you get no break from. Caring for a sick child alone (and then often sick, yourself). There is so much silence, and in that silence I am sure there are other mothers suffering. Truly suffering with little or no input from outside of the relationship she has with her child. But why can’t she speak up? What have we done as a society that has alienated all of us from each other. Where asking for help is seen as a weakness? Where offering help is a last resort?
Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the incredible responsibility that is being a sole parent. I look at Bo and I think, how can I possibly do this, all of this, alone? This isn’t what I wanted. I wanted to be with her father. I wanted the happy family. I wanted to be together. To share the load. To share the joy. I wanted to be able to sit on the couch with my husband at the end of the day and laugh about the beautiful things she did, and cry over the frustrations and have him there to hold my hand and help out and love her like I do. Because as hard as it is to not be able to share the challenges… it’s just as hard not having someone right there to share the joy. The little things, like a kid finally doing a poo after being bunged up for a few days, or eating their whole lunch, or having a proper nap… we want to share these things with someone and let’s be honest, no one else cares about those things as much (or if at all) as the parents.
The other night Bo woke at 10pm and wouldn’t go back to sleep so I got her up and snuggled with her on the couch in front of a movie. She was so beautiful. She sat eating peanut butter on toast. Licking her fingers and talking to me very seriously in her own language, every now pausing and raising her eyebrows at me… as if to say, do you understand mama, are you hearing me? And I would say, yes of course. She would then start giggling and shouting at the people on the TV. And it was such a perfect moment. I looked at her and I could see a glimpse of the little girl she is going to be and I wish her dad had been here to see her. To share in the absolute joy that she is. I wish I had someone to truly share those moments with. The moments of pride.
When I think of the incredibly unreasonable expectations we have on mothers in general, I am shocked. Our society pushes for (unreasonable) perfection. Our society expects that mothers should raise these perfect children whilst being essentially isolated from the world. Instead of offering support, we offer judgmental advice, books with parenting “rules” and guidelines that have the potential of stripping mothers of their instinct. And then we add on top of that a mother without the support of a partner, without the small moments of respite that the partnered mother is given. Without the time to find herself. And we turn around and we judge these mothers. Single mothers. We judge them. I know a young single mother who was called the most disgusting names by her own brother, because she is without a man. Because she chose to continue her pregnancy and raise her beautiful child alone. Because she didn’t have the choice to just “walk away.” Because she chose life. We judge women we see alone, wrangling children. The plight of the single parent has become fodder for television shows and sitcoms and jokes… what we don’t do is offer real, supportive, full assistance. I’m not talking about pensions or money or aid. I’m ashamed (albeit extraordinarily grateful) to have to ask for a handout from the government to survive… and I’m sure most people are. I’d prefer to have the facility to raise my child the way (I believe) she deserves to be raised and work enough to make good money to support us without help. But as one person, that is not possible right now, our society doesn’t support working options for mothers who want to keep their children with them.
I’m talking about swapping judgement for humanity. Hate for love. Do-it-my-way-advice for hands-on help.
Why is it so hard for us as a society to be supportive of our people? Why are we always so quick to judge and so slow to react. When did we become so distant from eachother? When did society stop being about community? When did parenthood become more about rules and less about raising good. strong, caring people, together.
Perhaps a little jumbled, but food for thought nonetheless. Even better for discussion.
I dont have the answers but you are so right Sash.
I love how you say it as it is and its all so true. Its ridiculous the pressure that we have on us as Mums. Yes we make a choice to have a child but the lack of help is really unfair.
I really feel for Single Mums and what they are going through, being a Mum is a hard job! (JOB)
I have a partner that is home 50% of the time to help with dinner/bath/sleep routine but on the 10 nights that he is away, I am an absolute mess!! I don’t know how I get through it and I only have 1 child.
Cheers to you Sash, you truly are amazing. And Bo is just the cutest, love her personality and cheekiness
I wish I knew you in ‘real’ life and could give u some support. I’m always an email away if u need. Feel free to air it all here. We get it. And we are listening. I have a husband to share the load with and it’s bloody hard, so I don’t know how you do it. The identity thing and lack of time to just be me, is my biggest issue. Great post Sash.
Ditto Sash – and I bet it might be a gamble reaching out to randoms on the wild west of the world wide web – and I hate to sound contrite but it’s really from the heart – I adore you and your blog and if I lived in the same continent as you I’d insist to meet you. Well. Geez I could insist even though we don’t right? Well if you’re ever in DC, USA…
How much do I adore you? I tell everyone about you, I vote from every computer/smartphone in the house and if we’re at the grandparents, I use their devices as well, I’m not a crier but your posts can get the tear ducts fired up and slogging my face because you speak to ME by speaking what in you. Thank you. And really, if you’re ever in DC…..
I was raised by a single mother and reflecting on my childhood and how ornery I was – and now having my own 6mo old – I dont know how she did it. But I wonder if the hate and judgement you’re talking about is the same animal to all hate/judgement: fear-based (in the sense of someone being different from yourself – which methinks might be a lack of self-esteem at the root of that). So… Self esteem. One needs to love ones self to feel secure/accepting in an environment that is different or out of their comfort zone. To know that they’re ok with all their flaws in that environment. That seeing a beautiful woman raising a baby by themselves doesnt mean that it’s a threat to their well established house/husband/3 kids. Or that it means one should feel guilty because they chose to work rather stay at home with the kids. Or that one didn’t choose cloth diapers because they just didn’t feel like it but know its better for baby and the environment. Self esteem. Self love.
How do we give that to others? I own my own business and see it in my employees – a lack of self esteem. I have asked my mom how to help boost them, make them see how wonderful they are and to own it, and she replies (and I’m not sure how I feel about her response yet),”You’re not their mother so you can’t. Besides, that’s not your job. You can only control your own behavior.”
One more thing – where is the village?! You know, the one that used to help raise families and half the women were lactating to help feed the babies (which I’m on the fence about that….hmmm)?! I have a husband and honestly, even though we are fortunate to have BOTH set of grandparents a few blocks away willing to help, I’m still struggling. Village, please stand up!
We dont create a new life alone, yet sometimes we feel we are just that. Until we look into the eyes of those we created and at that moment we know we are not alone. And we know we are loved by them despite our mistakes we might have made. So hold your head up through the tough times and learn to have a forgiving heart cause someday we will find that intimate love again and a forgiving heart can love again….xxxx
My mum was a single parent for most of my early life until she remarried when I was a teenager. And I grew up vowing never to be a single parent. It is HARD. Too hard. So hard that I doubt anyone would take it on willingly unless they have sufficient financial and emotional resources to enable them to survive. Single Mothers are an easy target – for the government looking to save money to meet a budget surplus – for social commentators seeking an answer to society’s ills – for people to make moral judgments on the mothers and their ‘lifestyle’ choices. And it sucks. Simple as that. It is unfair and unnecessary in today’s world (especially in democratic, ‘enlightened’ and wealthy countries like Australia). Also, I am sure that single dads also have a very difficult time – I imagine that the struggles related to financial and emotional support would be very similar to those of single mums.
But more often than not there is a sympathy given to single dads that no single mother (apart from a widow) would receive. No moral judgment is made about why a man decided to have a kid without a partner, because they are unable to do so, Instead men are often seen as ‘brave’ for ‘giving it all up for their kids’ because being a primary carer is still traditionally a woman’s job.
It’s something that people can’t really understand or empathise with until they have experienced parenthood for themselves. But parents are often the harshest critics of other parents.
So, more parents (mums and dads, single or otherwise) need to stand up and acknowledge the truth about parenting. Yes, it is probably the single most rewarding thing you will ever do and you will never know that kind of love existed until you have a child. BUT, it is unimaginably difficult at times AND sometimes it is just too much for one person (and even two at times) to cope with. And there is no shame in that.
This is an interesting article about parents seeking (or failing to seek) help: http://coreparentingpdx.com/?p=1748&preview=true pertinent to this post.
For every honest voice that speaks up, there are dozens of other voices that cancel them out because no-one wants to acknowledge the truth that parenting can be difficult. For fear that it means Governments may have to acknowledge the significant financial contribution that unpaid parenting work makes to society (hello, future tax payers). That people will question one’s ability to parent at all if one makes an admission that at times it is hard (apart from the expected sleep and teething issues). That kids might feel unloved if parents are truthful about the times that they find it difficult to cope.
No-one wants to be seen as a bad parent – there is so much competition to be the perfect parent these days – but if we don’t talk honestly about both the good and the bad then there will be no change in how the truth of parenting is perceived.
Thought-provoking post Sash; one I’m sure would not have been easy to write given your marriage breakdown is still so raw. Thanks for your honesty and openness.
It is hard and so so unfair. I’ve been there twice once as a young mum and again later on, it’s not easier either way but the judgement was worse when I was younger when I hadn’t built confidence in myself (and the second time I had a secure job so that made a huge difference on one big point of stress).
I was just talking yesterday about the judgement issue as when my oldest takes my youngest out people assume she is a young mother and are awful to her.
I think the attitudes toward women regarding children are just so magnified compared to the low bar set for fathers and it’s not healthy for any of us.
This made me cry Sash. My Mum was a single parent raising me and my brother and sister. I understand how frustrated and tired my Mum would be and just wanted someone to share the highs and the lows. I would be lost without my husband and you reminded me of how lucky we are (me & Ashton) to have him so involved in our lives, because my Dad was usually no where to be found while he worked long hours which unfortunately resulted in him having an affair and a child which we didn’t find out about until she was 2.
I hope you get through all of this and come through shining, your little girl is so lucky to have you as her Mum.
-Bec X X X
Many more good people , than you think right now. One Good parent is better than two at logger heads…. HE IS MISSING OUT,,! You are doing well . Even mARRIED couples feel what you feel DO NOT buy into society’s expectations. You are doing a sterling Job Sash! <3 <3………………,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Great post Sash! Why does our government not support mothers to stay at home and mind their own children??? I recently tried to apply for some sort of preschool rebate, to find that I don’t qualify because I don’t work or study, they don’t ask whether you have another child at home to mind though? I thought there was a shortage of child care places etc, why not give mothers some type (any) incentive to stay at home and raise their own children?
I don’t know how you do it. My husband is wonderful even though not here 4 nights/mornings per week to get the kids up and put to bed. It is hard, but you do what you have to. I could not imagine what it would be like not to be able to share those special moments with him, telling him what funny things the kids did today or their achievements. I am truly sorry for this loss.
You are doing an amazing job, I too wish you lived close by to have adult conversation with and help each other where possible.
Chin up. Love your blog.
I take that chin up back. You feel how you feel, you are able to morn. I wish you had more friends to support you in day-to-day tasks.
Maybe I should have said something like, enjoy watching Bo grow up and not letting other people do it for you! Raising her at home as a single parent is gutsy!! You are braver than you think.
Love you Sash *hugs*
Sash,
You have opened up my eyes and i thank you for that. My mum was a single mum and when I was younger I missed out on a lot, but reading this I realised my mum missed out on a lot more. I use to pick up my younger sister up from school on the way home from high school and watch her until my mum got home from work. I use to hate it because I missed out on so many after school activities and just being a general teenager, I would give my mum a lot of grief because of this. If only I could of read this years ago and mayb my relationship with my mother wouldn’t be so fractured if I understood what she was going through and the sacrifices and loneliness she suffered.
Being a mum now with a partner I realize how much we both sacrafice, I just can’t imagine how I would cope if I was on my own…I know I would because I have people like you that open my eyes and inspire me.
Xxx
How do u do this? U get into my mind n give such perfect words to my thoughts!
Although i m nt a single parent but i m pretty much going thru the same thing Sash.. Husband at work whole day. My biggest issue is time, n the identity loss that comes as a side effect! The feeling of so stuck at only one point in the whole universe where u just GOT to change the diapers, feed n get him to sleep all the time! I mean ofcourse its all very precious, i dont hv to say this to prove anything… But its so overwhelming!!!
I feel so stuck since yesterday n then u posted this… Telepathy much?
I like to hope that our generation will be less judgemental…wishful thinking??? I hope not.
I cannot fathom that anyone who has had children would not be in awe & supportive of any single parent raising their child(ren) solo. It is an incredible thing to do and something that definitely needs to be raised up on a pedestal not trashed in the gutter.
Women and men such as yourself should be congratulated and given the world’s biggest hugs. I know I wouldn’t be where I am today without a Mum striving to do it all on her own.
I was given your blog address by a mutual friend.
I have to say, I have never read something so honest and eloquently said in my life. You have certainly made me think about what I think about single parents. I have a few girl friends who are doing it on their own and I often wonder how they do it when I have a partner to rely. One of my girlfriends is a single parent and is working full time and I admire her courage (she got out of a very bad relationship) to leave her partner. Friends do offer to help her from time to time but I know, us human, we have pride and she often say no.
We can’t stop people from judging. It’s what we do best. To judge and compare. I try not to do it so often and when I do, I try to asses the situation (like why is that mum letting her child cry in the middle of the shopping mall) and etc.
You are doing so well and gained one loyal reader.
I was a single Mum for many years, my husband just walked away 20 years ago and we have never heard from him since. The repercussions have been enormous, especially on my children..what was my salvation?? Other single mums, we did it together. We did playgroup, after school and all sorts of things. We booked up the holidays together. We kept busy. We stood by each other we understood each other and our children had to play together whether they liked it or not!! Mostly they liked it..that was my family then. I still cherish those who shared those days with me. That sort of friendship never dies. Find a new family Sash, it will be different but incredibly valuable. Just look at your Mum and me. We have a solid friendship. couldn’t ever be without it. Society’s judgement is not your responsibility. People can only judge what they don’t understand. It is normal. Would it be beneficial if there was more support..a different way for people to think, sure it would but for now it is as it is. Perhaps you will find the way to make an impact on these things in the future. You have passion. For now ignore all the nay sayers, they are as entitled to their opion as you are. We don’t have to agree…
Love to you at this time XX
My mum, my brother and I lived for many years with one of my mum’s friends – another single mum and her daughter. This was my childhood family. The five of us. Unconventional, yes. Judged lots, yes. But through that she had the support she needed in those really early, hard times (emotionally, practically, and financially). And for all of her struggle that I didn’t see, I have an abundance of happy childhood memories from the ‘family’ I did have.
So, so, so much here. So many truths, so many hurts, joys, frustrations and wishes. In your post and in these honest and moving comments too.
I am also here today because of an amazing single mama, who I definitely took for granted, who I didn’t really, truthfully ‘get’ or know or understand until I was much, much older. Much of that, I’m sure, comes from the ignorance, self-obsession, and naivity of a child/teenager, and that my understanding now has increased tenfold after becoming a mama myself.
Society is a BITCH. And the judgements never ending. And for what? A half-assed prop to one’s own self-esteem??
I, like so many others who have connected with you through cyber space, would come over tomorrow to offer that hand. Most of us can’t help you, but we can help in our community. In our own social circles, in our own ‘real’ lives. I’m sure if us mamas thought for a moment we’d know someone in our lives who would benefit from a morning, an afternoon, an hour of us there. Be they single mums, or partnered mums struggling with the day to day.
So, we, all of us touched by your circumstance and your words should reach out beyond these comments into our worlds. And help someone we know. Because that’s how we WILL chop away at the change in this society that your post calls for.
That said, one day I will make you a cup of tea. It WILL happen!!
“chip away” that is… Thank you iPhone!!
She’s worth it, your Bo. xx
Of course she is!
Your post inspired me to write a little bout it myself, its nowhere as good as urs (what can you xpect wen you are swinging a baby n typing simutaneously) but have a look if you like!
Abeersadiq.wordpress.com
DEFENSE OF JOY
Defender joy as a trench
defend the scandal and routine
of misery and miserable
temporary absences
and final
Joy defend a principle
defend the awe and nightmares
of neutrals and neutrons
infamies of sweets
and serious diagnoses
defend the joy as a flag
defend beam and melancholy
of naive and scoundrels
rhetoric and cardiac arrests
of endemic diseases and academies
defend the joy as a destination
defend the fire and firefighters
of suicidal and homicidal
of the vacation and the burden
the obligation to be cheerful
defend the joy as a certainty
defend it from rust and scab
the famous patina of time
the dew and opportunism
the pimps of laughter
defend the joy as a right
God defend and winter
capitalization and death
of surnames and pity
of chance
and also of joy
Mario Benedetti 1978 / 1979
My mother is a single parent, and I admire her for it. We had family support but still, in most ways, she was alone, it was hard for the three of us.
Loosing her husband with 2 small children, and having to drastically change everything and depend on the support of others to reestablish a new life was a difficult thing to do, even for me, and I was 4 years old and didn’t understand much of what was happening and why I couldn’t see my father. Her decisions, and choices about raising us was contested, criticized and even interfered by other people, by the ones who were around for help and support her, but she raised us the best way she could, with love and patience, I’m really thankful for that. As I’m sure Bo will be for you. Xx
“Because as hard as it is to not be able to share the challenges… it’s just as hard not having someone right there to share the joy.”
Reading that line really touched me. I’m not a “single” mom, but I feel like one at times. The loneliness that comes with the territory. I stay at home with my little babe and she is my other half 90% of my day. As much as my husband loves her and is present. Sometimes it still feels like I am doing this on my own. And I can relate. And I agree with your vision of how this world is working, and how it should work.
This “gig” we have, motherhood, is tough stuff.
Hang in there because you seem to be doing it beautifully.
What a beautiful, beautiful post. I just found your blog today- I’m so glad xx
There is no way i could attempt to appreciate the difficulties you face as a single mother. I am a full time stay at home dad and I would never have it any other way but I do find it incredibly demanding and could not imagine having to raise a child and myself without assistance. I am friends with a single Mum and I admire her so much for what she does and how she goes about it. I don’t watch the news or read the papers because I don’t like to be influenced, my unbiased opinion of single parents is that you are all heroes of epic proportions and I hold you in the highest esteem. Hats off to you
Of course your words are totally true as I can tell from experience. But I have to offer another point of view (of course…yadda yadda): I have an okay amount of help opportunities, but more often than not I don’t use them because I’m too proud to admit I can’t do it all alone. I’d rather go until my very last limits. I’m a very stubborn person and used to be the perpetual one-woman-show, so it was very hard for me to accept that raising a child without ANY help is not humanly possible. I still hate the thought of having to depend on somebody or something (like financial aid).
And another thing: I hardly know my kid’s father, he didn’t want to have the baby but wants to take part now, and while this would be considered good news nowadays, I feel deeply destabilized by that because I don’t see him as help bur rather as threat who ruins my efforts with his thoughtlessness and naivety about children. To be honest, I wish he were out of our lives, even if that’s a very politically not correct thing to say. So much from fellow single mom…
I love what daddownunder said: “You are all heroes of epic proportions and I hold you in the highest esteem.” I totally agree.
Thank you so much for your honesty in writing this. I truly appreciated reading it. Thank you for helping to break the silence…
Ronnie xo
Thanks Ronnie (and everyone else I haven’t had a chance to reply to) – Your empathy, support and words of kindess are so greatly appreciated. At the end of the day, even when we feel utterly alone, we are all in this together, so it’s wonderful to have poeple like YOU on my team.
xox
I came across your blog posting after feeling like the worst mom of all, feeling like I’m trapped and no one can understand the wanting of the tiniest ounce of freedom that I craved and your words resonated with me.
I know of that dark period that you speak of; as I too was there once, not being able to cope, but still doing what needed to be. It’s not a place any person should ever be. I was fortunate that I was able to develop much needed coping skills, but there are just some days that are tougher than others.
I made a promise to myself last night that everyday from this point out that I would wake up feeling thankful for something and today I am thankful for the words that you so eloquently expressed…..thank you for letting me know I’m not the only one on this planet who feels that way.
Be well-
You are most certainly not alone. Just look at the comments here. There are women all over the world who are just like you and I. Who are struggling. Who are finding solace in each other. Thank you for sharing your story xxoo
Hey Sash….I just read your post and it has touched a very deep and private part of me I have denied feeling for most of my life….my loneliness. I was terrified of feeling it. I have been a single parent in Sydney, working full time and consciously decided to completely disconnect from my feelings in order to cope. My Dad died last year and it was only then that I could allow myself to feel how vulnerable I felt and how terrified I was to let anyone see it as I judged it so harshly myself. I had learnt in my childhood to be the master of coping…that had been my face to the world. So I am humbled by your courage to break the silence.
People have many times said to me “I don’t know how you do it”…(I judged them as self-satisfied and patronising) and I must say there was a part of me that wanted to scream…well what other choice do I have…give my kid away?? But all the anger and judgment I felt towards all these self-satisfied people really was just a distraction from my own pain and my own incapacity to deal with what I was feeling which was overwhelmed most of the time and full of criticism about not being “ good enough”…at work, as a friend, daughter and most importantly as a mother.
What I am learning now is to stop projecting my own pain onto others and really embrace my own sadness and loss…about my vision for a happy family life with the father of my child. Ironically that means I am coping a hell of a lot better now than I ever had. The thing I most feared feeling has actually been the wise, healer in me. Facing and feeling my loneliness and vulnerability hasn’t been so terrifying, in fact it has been liberating as I have got connected to my needs and what I really want…which is more love and connectedness, to me, to my purpose, others and my beautiful boy. I am finding that I am more willing to go for what I want, and crafting a new vision for that. I also feel I am giving my son an alternative role model to what he had before. A woman who can forgive, feel, ask for help and love more fully and courageously, which I think is going to be the best gift I can give him.
Thank you so much for sharing…I have found your realness inspiring.
Much love
Oh, thank you. Thank you for your story and your beautiful words. Thank YOU for your courage and your commitment to yourself and your child. xx Forgiveness is often the hardest. It is one that I struggle with very much. I think often we are encouraged to bottle up how we truly feel, to just “get on with it” – but it’s so much bigger than that. The emotion deserves to be felt. Finding the courage to love and to trust again… I’m not sure how I even start on that one.
You posed a lot of questions at the end…I’m going to address just one. I was a single parent for a long time. I believe the reason some people can not be supportive is because they’re afraid.
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