We are gearing up for a shift into a new phase of the project that is going to give us a new approach and will drastically change the rhythm of our lives. You know when you just get stuck in the same old rhythm, and it’s not terrible but it’s not great either? We’ve been there for a while now. So we are finishing this first half of the year off by packing boxes and again culling another third of our belongings as we simplify, consolidate and get ready to move out of our first little family home. I’m a bit of a change junkie… Love the stuff. So it’s with a happy heart I find myself sorting and gifting and donating our things, because I know there is great change ahead. I keep reminding myself that this year I wanted more than anything to be one of purposeful living… and with that comes purposeful change.
Oh, and you know that camera that I mentioned last week? I read all of your wonderful responses and suggestions and opinions (thank you!)… I ummed and aahed. I worried and I rolled the different ideas around in my head. I know what I wanted to buy, I’ve known for a while. I’ve done the research and found the best price. It is an enormous investment, and not one that I take lightly, it’s a lot of money for our little family… Money that I’ve saved through careful budgeting and small, regular sacrifices… the same way any of us save. So it wasn’t just going against the “rules” of this project, it was deciding to purchase something for myself, something that I really needed, something that I wanted… which since becoming a single mum 18 months ago, I really haven’t done at all.
You know, I felt really guilty even thinking about buying a new camera. Like maybe I didn’t deserve it. Like maybe I’m not good enough, or worthy enough, or enough enough. My hesitance was about a lot more than just this project, and there was one comment that pushed me over the edge and helped me make my decision…
I think you’ve already achieved what you set out to do (and will continue to do that for the rest of the year and beyond!) YOU are possibly the only person who would be conflicted about this decision – everyone else would assume you would just get a new camera because that’s how you make your living. Wouldn’t even question it.
– Pip (Meet me at Mikes)
This comment and many others really got me thinking. What is the point of this project in the first place? Is it to ‘impress’ people that I can go for 12 months without buying anything new? Is it about what OTHER people may think or not think about me if I slip up? Is it about them? Or is it about transforming my own life, changing the way I see my own world, changing my relationship with things and becoming a more conscious, grateful, aware consumer?.. If you know me well, you know it’s the latter, with a tiny bit of the former. Of course I want people to see a bit of themselves in this project, I want you guys to think a little bit more about the way you consume things too… but really, this project is about me finding a way to become a more confident person, who lives the life that she truly beleives in… instead of one who just follows the crowd.
So you know what? After hovering over the “check out” button for four days, yesterday I finally pushed the button. I bought a professional, beautiful full frame camera that is brand spanking new. The second hand ones I found were without transferable warranty and were only marginally less than buying new. So I made the smart decision, I researched and I found an excellent deal with an Australian based company. I decided I was worthy of a tool that I need for work, I decided I was worthy of using a large portion of my savings to invest in something that was thought out, considered and will be well loved for many, many years.
I bought that new camera… and whilst part of me is still shaking off the guilty feeling, I know I did the right thing.
And you know what? I’m really excited for it to arrive.
This wont be some slippery slope back into consumerism. I wont be buying anything else new. I bought this as a work tool to improve my skills to create a stronger, brighter and hopefully one day more sustainable income for my little family. And one of these days I’ll learn to let go of that little bit of guilt that continues to linger… because it really isn’t serving me well.
As a side note… does anyone know how to safely recycle an old DSLR body that no longer works?.. Where could I send it so that it can be pulled apart and recycled?