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There was a moment when we were overseas that I discovered that words I thought I had lost – had suddenly been found once more. Returning to a place that has deep rooted connections in both love and loss was a powerful experience for me. For the first time in a long time I picked up my journal and began to pen words that I haven’t had for many, many years. Words that became lost when I had nothing left to give outside of just survival.
The thing about having fallen in love with another country, the thing about letting it get under your skin and bury deep into your heart, the thing about that is – you are never really home. Even when you are home, you are homesick, because you can never be in both places at once.
Coming back to my Australian home I was thrown headfirst into work, speaking at conferences, wrapping up a job and starting at a new workplace with new clients and a new job role. Tumbling back into reality like a violent wave hitting a shore – and it was as if those weeks we spent meandering on the streets and rice fields of Indonesia dissolved into memories in an instant. Even as the skin still browned on my shoulders and my child uttered the words of a mother tongue she doesn’t quite understand – I was back to hearing early morning alarms, and doing daycare drop offs and attending work meetings… I was thinking again in two languages and it took me a few days after coming ‘home’ to catch my breath again.
It’s been a while since i last took stock, and now, in such a beautiful era of transition both in my life and in my soul – now seemed like as good a time as ever.
Making: natural dyes and scribbles in journals
Cooking: yellow rice and fried tofu
Drinking: cool lemon cordial made by a friend
Reading: On the Road
Wanting: for nothing
Looking: at all the little flowers
Playing: hooky from life
Wasting: nothing
Sewing: badly and…
Wishing: I’d paid a little more attention during home economics decades ago
Enjoying: the last of the winter gems from our front yard garden
Waiting: for the verdict
Liking: sweet grassy mornings in the park with sweeter friends
Wondering: where to wander
Loving: getting dirt under my nails with my back to the sun
Hoping: for good news for a friend
Marvelling: at the incredible wit and resourcefulness of three year olds
Needing: very little
Smelling: sunshine and salty sea air
Wearing: cotton and linen
Following: the beautiful work of Pema Chodron
Noticing: the moments of calm in what used to be such a busy mind
Knowing: myself a little better
Thinking: in Indonesian
Bookmarking: pictures of alchemy symbols (tattoo inspiration anyone?)
Opening: windows (and welcoming spring)
Giggling: at funny lines in cute songs with sweet people
Feeling: humble. happy. home.
Have you checked in with yourself? Have you taken stock lately?
Taking Stock is the lovechild of Pip from Meet me at Mikes she’s a lovely soul and her little corner of the internet is always worth a visit.
Noni - I love this Sash! Particularly the sewing and wishing part. I remember with distinct embarrassment that I used to tell my home economics teacher that I would be rich and never need to sew my own clothes. I feel pretty sheepish now that I would dearly love to be able to create beautiful things. She would laugh to see me knitting and sewing and making jam and soap and all the other little household tasks I am slowly learning. How the certainty of youth comes back to haunt us 🙂
Sash - ‘how the certainty of youth comes back to haunt us…’ boy does it ever! 😉 x