Just call me crazy. Seriously. This motherhood thing, it’s turned me into a bit of a lunatic. People warned me before I had this baby, they said to me “Sash, the world that you know is going to change, it’s going to change hard!” And I smiled and nodded and did all the boring pleasantries that make my stomach turn a little and I shrugged it off. I mean honestly, how much could my world change? I’ve always been a pretty open minded person… I’ve always (attempted to) seen things the way they are but left plenty of wiggle room for those not so frequent (who am I kidding?) moments when I had it totally backwards.
Now I look at the world through a totally different lens. And right now, I’m going through the lens that is commonly known as the lens of FEAR. Welcome to motherhood, sucker! Seriously though. Before Bo I was a traveler, I lived out of a backpack for years. I flew around the world… I drank in strange bars, I partied in languages I couldn’t understand, I lived on the proverbial edge, I did things I was proud of (and let’s face it many things I wasn’t)… I wasn’t living in fear, I was living for adventure. I used to say, the only thing to fear is fear itself – I was very “deep” (and very naive).
I wrote about fear and how to get away from it and to stop it from taking over your life. I thought I had this no-fear approach to life down. I was so very, very wrong.
Now here I am with this precious little being in my care and it’s making me crazy. Everywhere I look I see Armageddon. The mandi buckets in my bathroom a drowning hazard, the rats in our kitchen a sanitation issue, second hand smoke a killer… Everything that I used to think was fun now just seems super dangerous. I imagine car crashes, planes falling from the sky, kidnappers, murderers and the giant purple people eater. The list goes on and on until you start reaching global warming, over population, starvation and aliens taking over the world and turning us all into slaves. I mean what if something was to happen to me? Then who would take care of Bo? Who could possibly love her the way I do? What is going to happen when she’s a big adult in this crazy world and no longer wants/needs me to protect her? I get stuck in these spiraling thought processes and they are driving me mental!
And all you mamas out there are nodding and sipping your coffee and laughing at me… welcome to motherhood, you say…
Come on mama’s (and papa’s) – share with me, what’s your most irrational post-baby fear?