A month or so ago I got myself a more grown up job with more grown up responsibilities. It’s an awesome job with inspiring people and I’m super grateful for the amazing new experiences and challenges. But on the other hand… being a grown up man… it’s intense right? Despite the fact I am a grown up… I often forget that I am. Sometimes I think that I will always be a slightly more sensible version of my seventeen year old self in my head, forgetting that people in the world actually take me more seriously these days than I have ever taken myself.
I often wonder if other people feel this way too… Like they aren’t grown up at all.
I’m certainly not the person who I thought I would be, I’m not the parent I thought I would be. I imagined that by now I would be someone very different to the person I am today. I most certainly don’t have it all figured out. I don’t have my life neatly organised. I’m a messy mess a lot of the time. But I love this messy, creative, wild life I’m living because through a series of mistakes and decisions and crazy adventures I ended up here – being exactly the person that I want to be.
Because this is it, right? Right now. This moment, this day, this week, is everything.
And this moment is an excellent time to listen to this song. Again and again. As we do most days at the moment.
Amanda Palmer is a fucking legend and her songs speak through to my quirky, messy, forever-teenage heart. I’ve listened to her music for many years now and Bo and I often listen and talk about the words we hear and what they make us feel. I love music that is so raw it cuts right through the shit and gets down to the nitty gritty that is living.
Amanda Palmer does this. I bought a second hand copy of her book for myself for Christmas and I can’t wait to sink my teeth into it.
Feelings are awesome. Asking for stuff is great. Being vulnerable is important. Growing up is complicated. It’s so awesome how much we can learn from each other – even when we are so far apart.
Have a rad weekend folks being exactly the person that you want to be (Fuck yes)
Dale - I can definitely relate. I’ve spent my life telling myself that one day I’ll be this or that and many, many times (particularly more recently) I’ve been looking back noticing that I’ve never actually made it. I can only hope I reach the point she does in the song where she’s happy with who she is. It is admirable. In regards to this whole ‘grown up’ thing… I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready. And yet here I am drowning in grown-up-ness!
anna - I love the song! Thank you.
And I used to think at some point I might have figured it out…well…turns out i don’t. And that’s ok, too.
Shei Tiong - Can so relate, Sash! I’m the eldest of 5 brood yet, I seem to be the youngest when it comes to thinking & decision-making. I’m happily married for 5 years come the 20th with a 19-month tot (boy). The past months have been “messy’ for me. It’s like I lost the once organized freak me. I hate it, though, but I learned to accept and love this ‘messy’ me. Still, I’m trying to figure out so many things, wonderful things. Then, I’ve decided to let go, let God and be thankful for every day. Especially the little every day moments that I get to spend with my trying-to-be-independent toddler. Thank you for sharing your experiences, thoughts and feelings, Sash. I’m one avid stalker from the Philippines. 🙂