Normally I only write these letters to you every three months. But this past month and a bit has seemed like a lifetime in the story of our little family. You have changed so much and our situation has changed an awful lot too.
Today it is Christmas. It is your very first Christmas and I am so thankful that I get to be here to share it with you. Christmas means a lot of things to a lot of different people all around the world. It is a time for giving and a time for reflecting on the world around us. It is a time for charity and a time for good will and kindness, things that I value very highly. In our family Christmas isn’t about religion but it is about faith. Faith in each other. Faith in humanity. Faith that we are on the right path, even when it feels like everything is going wrong. And Santa, Christmas is also about Santa. But more so than what we get, Christmas is about what we give both to ourselves and to each other. It is about celebrating what we have instead of commiserating the things we have lost. For me, it’s been a challenging year. I have lost two of the most important people in my life. But more importantly this year I gained something bigger and more life-changing and wonderfully transformative than anything I could have possibly imagined. You. You came into my life and altered me, changed the way I look at the world, made me more patient and much kinder, you have helped me to see light where before there would have been only dark. You have helped to show me the way, leading me into the great unknown with your fearlessness and curiosity long before you ever took your first steps. Thank you my love. You are making me a better person every day.
I sat last night with you in my arms. And as the clock struck twelve for midnight, you slept soundly, your little face against my chest, your hot breath against my skin in this sticky Australian heat. Christmas had begun and looking at you I knew, I had exactly what I wanted already.
This is your very first Christmas and even though it is not what we had originally planned, it is still a celebration. A celebration of family, of you, of love and life and all that is bright and colourful in this world. It is a time to come together, as family, to just exist together in the same time and place. To share food and stories and tears and laughter. Even though this isn’t what I imagined for this day for you, it’s OK. We are OK. There is such great fortune all around you and so many people who want to protect you and give you the best life that they know how. Today you will sit at lunch at a table busy with family. Great Aunts and Uncles and your Great Grandfather who have all arrived from Canada to be here on this day. Your Grandma and your own uncle and me, your mama… we are all here for you, loving you.
Even when there is a sadness surrounding my heart. Even when there is pain and unknowing and fear. You bring joy. Unbridled, beautiful, powerful joy that gives energy and light and love. Thank you Bo. May you always have the ability to make the world a beautiful place. You are a powerful creature, and I hope with every fibre of my being that you always use that power to do good things and make a difference.
We are in a dark place in our families story, but that’s OK. Every story has darkness. The most wonderful thing about darkness is that it makes it easy to see the light. And there is light all around. It is in you and it is in me too. We have so much to be thankful for. The luck of our birth. The opportunity. The beauty all around. We must never lose sight of these things, my love, for they are what make us whole.
We love you, my beautiful little angel. Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas everyone. May you all be surrounded by love and light, friends and family and peace on this special day. Whether you believe in Christmas or not, no matter where you are in the world – may today bring you a little laughter, a little reflection and a whole lot of love for no other reason than that you deserve it. xox
Love, Sash & Bo.