One of my readers commented on my last post that it looks like Bo has grown up overnight. And I couldn’t agree more. It’s like all of a sudden she’s no longer a baby. She’s a fiery toddler with her own opinions and her own ideas about the world. I don’t know when exactly my baby disappeared… but I like this little fire-cracker she has morphed into. She’s hilarious and totally nuts and all kinds of weird and she’s loving and rough and she holds my hand and laughs at my jokes and pulls my hair and slaps my face and kisses my face and loves to be held.
This week we have been just at home. Just the two of us. Trips to the beach and to the shops and to the park down the road. Breakfast dates at cafes with friends big and small. Lots of time at home just existing. Eating left over pasta with our fingers because its messy and yummy and because we-only-live-once. Making big messes and even bigger messes trying to clean the first mess up. Laughing lots. Not sleeping anywhere as much as we should. Going on long drives to look at farm animals and watch the world go by out the window.Dancing to music and singing louder. LOUDER. LOUDER. Learning how to spin in circles.
Bo has been talking like a motor-mouth. She doesn’t have any real words besides mama yet, but she has an entire language all of her own that she uses about 22 hours a day and she is an excellent mimic. Tonight as we were reading she waggled her little finger at me and said “nah… nah… nah…” in the same silly voice I use when the character says no in the story. I couldn’t believe it, how she has changed. She follows simple instructions. She can bring me things that I ask for. She closes doors and cupboards when asked to and has an obsession with putting things in other things. Blocks in the freezer. Popsicle sticks in the vase. Biscuits, shoes, socks, pens, paper, my handbag (anything really)… all go in the bathtub. She walks around the house with things tucked under her arm like a real little human… not a baby… but a person. Sometimes I look at her and I’m just amazed… amazed that she’s mine. Amazed that she’s here at all. Amazed that she is who she is and that she is so much of herself already, at only just 11 months old. Racing through her life like a bat outta hell… hell bent on getting to the next corner before thinking of slowing down and then speeding up for the turn anyway, with only a quick glance my way as if to say… are you coming mama? keep up…
Yesterday I was feeling pretty down. I talked to my husband a bit and realised that it’s probably time that I stop wishing for something to magically come and fix our problems. That maybe it’s time to just pick myself up and get on with things and let him do the same. Separately. To save us any more of the heartache. Maybe it’s time. Maybe it’s not. Maybe I should give him another chance. Maybe I should fight for us. But maybe that’s not right. And therein lies my dilemma. I don’t know. So I was grumpy and tired and resentful and hot and bothered and Bo wasn’t sleeping (she doesn’t sleep anymore… ever… she naps in fits and spurts and wakes hourly ALL NIGHT LONG – it’s awesome) so we went to the beach and ran on the sand and threw shells and ate seaweed and rubbed dirt in our eyes and licked driftwood and all the things that are wonderful about just being alive and dirty and playful in nature. And it was great. And it was real. And it reminded me… even when it’s totally shitty, it’s still really good to be alive.
We hope you have an awesome weekend… with light and love and colour and fireworks (of the metaphorical or the literal).
We’ve got an amazing give-away coming up on Sunday so check back in. It’s really great. Also, I got a smart phone this week… I’m a bit slow when it comes to technology. So now I have instagram. So you can follow us… @inkedincolour and see photos from our daily lives… they are often of Bo sleeping (or not sleeping) cos you know… I’m a mama and I haven’t had a good sleep in more than a year so sleep is all I think about. Follow us and we’ll follow you right back!
xox Big love.