I’ve been feeling muddled. My mind and my space unclear. Too many ideas. Not enough time. Too many voices. Not enough silence. I often wake with the feeling that I’m running out of time. As if I’m not reaching my goals fast enough. I have to physically steel myself some times and remind myself that now is the only thing that matters. Right now. Because there are no guarantees for tomorrow.
I’ve started missing the silence of the quiet life I had in Indonesia. The space. The lack of responsibility to “be” something other than what I am. I romanticise it of course. There were facets of that life that were increasingly difficult. But there were things that were so wonderful. The simplicity, for one (the food, for another).
After I got back from Melbourne, almost immediately, I began to purge.
Purge my life of the unnecessary extras. The unnecessary belongings that I’ve been holding onto “just in case…” and the feelings I’ve been holding onto “just in case…” I’ve purged my blog reader of the blogs I no longer read and my Facebook friends list of the “friends.” I had a pretty terrible backlash from doing a similar thing earlier this year. So I stopped. But it’s so noisy online and whilst I enjoy a crowded room (after a couple of glasses of wine) I prefer a small group of friends, with good conversation, and enough time alone with my muddled mind.
I purge to create space to create.
I used to live to create. To create theatre. To create art. To create stories. To create adventure. I haven’t created much since before Bo was born. She was a great and exhausting creation, she took all of my energy… and it’s only now I feel like it’s coming back. And I’m ready.
Are you a hoarder (of things? of feelings? of friends?)… Do you love being surrounded by lots or do you function better with less?
- None Found