Back.

PIN ITIt’s been a while.

I’d be lying if I didn’t come straight out with how strange it feels to be writing this blog again.

And yet, here I am. Writing.

I’ve been trying to write this post now for about two weeks, trying to find the right words when there doesn’t appear to be any words to describe the state of the world right now.

Our State Borders are closed, and today the borders to our region are closing too. We have been advised to stay home if we can. There are bare shelves in the supermarket and what is there is increasing in price at a rapid rate. We are on waiting lists for Ventolin and Children’s Panadol and cannot find yeast to make bread. We have come to accept the ritual that is disinfecting everything every time our home bubble is burst by the outside world, which is daily at this stage as my partner still must work outside of the house. I was in the process of setting up a new business when all of this hit. I’d just quit my job in the city and moved regionally again. It isn’t without difficulty but we are lucky. We are lucky I moved, we are lucky I quit. If I hadn’t our family would now be separated by the invisible wall between the regions we lived in.

We are the lucky ones. With an incomes and homes and backyards for our children to play Bondi Rescue in, dunking barbie dolls into buckets and commanding the ever obedient sheep dog to “rescue” (something he does with great joy over and over and over again). We are the lucky ones. The ones with the heat on as winter is coming, the ones with a roof and a car and the family in our homes that hold space for us when the world feels too dark and too heavy.

We are the lucky ones.

We are the lucky.

We are.

Over the coming months I will continue to come here and write again. Whether anyone is here to read or not. Bit by bit I will find the words that I have only written in private for years now. Seeing if the groove is still there to fold our lives into once more. Our kids might write too, they have shown some interest since they discovered this blog months ago. A blog they had no idea existed. Fascinated by the stories I told of the life I lived before. Bo fascinated by the stories of her infancy. Fascinated that she hadn’t known of this world that had featured her for so long.

For now though I’m more interested in you. What does it look like where you are in the world? Are you okay? How are you feeling? What has changed? What remains the same?

Until next time.

Sash x

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  • March 31, 2020 - 1:55 pm

    Noni - Lovely to see you back. Things are the same and not the same for me. Our business continues, but shakily. Our eldest daughter, the one with BPD &anorexia, is in a different state, in a DV shelter, in contact with her abusive partner. She refused to come home, and we can no longer go to her. A lesson in letting go. A lesson in knowing the boundaries between my life and hers. A wish that she was still tiny and tucked up here with the rest of us. I go on, preserving and growing what I can in our rental property, dreaming of my own small holding one day. Finding gratitude in the little things. We are lucky. XReplyCancel

    • April 1, 2020 - 10:33 am

      Sash - Lessons in letting go are so painful. I hope you are doing okay Noni. Gratitude in the little things is the biggest thing of all xReplyCancel

  • March 31, 2020 - 2:16 pm

    Jo - So lovely to see you again here.
    You find us at home and unable to work due to the virus. Trying to keep the four remaining kids at peace at home. The 16 year old has had school come to a sudden end and is struggling as he is normally out all the time. One of the 18 year old twins is still doing college but remotely now but the whole world is online so our connection is struggling. Her twin brother has been ‘furloughed’ from his nursery apprenticeship. My youngest who is normally homeschooled seems ok, lots of chatting to his friends and I’m getting my garden going.
    My eldest is in Berlin and that feels far away now from us in the uk.
    Look forward to reading more.ReplyCancel

    • April 1, 2020 - 10:32 am

      Sash - You have so many different people to worry for Jo, you sound so calm, I don’t know how you do it! Keeping the peace is a full time job isn’t it? Being unable to work is so hard. Thank you for checking in xReplyCancel

  • March 31, 2020 - 2:30 pm

    Alicia - So lovely to read you again! I share some of your “old” mama posts with friends as they portray what I’d like to tell them about mamahood and parenting but I lack the words.

    We are in Spain, confined in our flat, with a small balcony. We are 4, two of them 8 and 4. They seem to manage all this much better than us adults. Today is confinement day 18. I never thought I could bare being locked indoors (the mountains just 300m away) for this long without going mad. There are days when I cry and get frustrated, but most of the time we are just grateful we are together, we are healthy, we have a job that allows us to work remotely). We have no idea when we will be able to see family and friends again, or if and when schools will open. So much uncertainty. We worry for those that are losing family to the virus, they are dying without being able to say good-bye and hold hands with their loved ones, we worry when it hits countries in Africa or systems with poor health care, we worry for the families confined in tiny flats with complicated economic situations and unhealthy relationships, we worry for the children where food at school and school itself is a little window in their hard childhoods… So yes it is hard, but we are grateful for what we have, even if being indoors sometimes makes us cry.
    Thank you for coming back!ReplyCancel

    • April 1, 2020 - 10:30 am

      Sash - It’s such a big wide world of unknowns right now isn’t it. We are worrying about all the same things here on the other side of the world. We are still far behind what is happening in your beautiful country and we worry about our community here when it really hits too. It’s only a matter of time. You are doing such an amazing job! I can’t imagine what you are going through, but I’m sure we will get there in time too. I hope you have something that is just for yourself in amongst taking care of your family? xReplyCancel

      • April 9, 2020 - 4:26 pm

        Alícia Betts - Hello!

        My son Aimar has tried to post two comments on Bo’s post, but we can’t see them up later. Just wondering if she will get them. He is also 8 and also stuck indoors 🙂

        We adults with children at home need some alone time, or I need some alone time, so I sometimes take long showers or give them a bit of extra screen time just for silence and some sun. It’s hard on all of us, we have to forgive us for not being as productive as always, for feeling tired and grumpy at days, for feeling lazy others, for just wanting to shout out the window that all this sucks and we want to go and run in the mountains please. Mostly we do a great job, and I am very impressed with the resilience and adaptability of the children. Love, snuggles and sharing how we feel takes us a long way. We have also become experts in arts and crafts with things we have at home.

        I love reading you, so glad you are back!

        Take care, and also try and focus on the tiny things, there are so many beautiful and raw moments in living together for such long periods, we might never have so much time together… who knows.

        AliciaReplyCancel

  • March 31, 2020 - 2:50 pm

    Cath - I’m so glad you’re back and writing again, friend. Be kind to yourself – I’m sure your kids will write if they have half of your talent and passion!
    Love to hear Bo’s thoughts on the world 🙂

    I’m writing on Facebook notes too – it’s a time to be cathartic and get out the feelings.
    Sending love from Perth xReplyCancel

    • April 1, 2020 - 10:33 am

      Sash - Cath! Get those feelings out. Better out than in I reckon xx Love to you from the South West.ReplyCancel

  • March 31, 2020 - 3:35 pm

    Ecky - Sash, it’s so good to read your writing again. We are under direct order to go back to Australia, we tried to fight to stay put but they wouldn’t let us. So on Thursday night the 4 of us are flying out to Australia, land in Sydney and usher into out appointed hotel for 2 weeks self quarantine. I have read awful stories about the room and the food but I am thinking there are people who are far worse than us so we are going to suck it up and embrace it. We are putting our brave face in front of the children but deep down we are anxious about the travelling and what if we get it while we are at the airport? Or on the plane? And how can we survive 2 weeks in a hotel room with 2 children? My anxiety has been so high lately and I pray that this shall pass 🙏. Glad you are ok and stay safe Sash. 😘ReplyCancel

    • March 31, 2020 - 6:49 pm

      Herlina Masonwells - AARRGGHH Ecky Upritchard!!!!ReplyCancel

    • April 1, 2020 - 10:28 am

      Sash - Oh Ecky! So stressful. How are the kids doing? Are you guys en route back to Canberra? Please let us know if we can help at all? I’m not sure what we can do, but always happy to help in any way possible! Are you guys in Indo now? xxReplyCancel

  • March 31, 2020 - 4:03 pm

    Kay - Hi,
    Glad to hear you’re back, I really liked your content, a lot of honesty, empathy
    and interest.
    Thank youReplyCancel

    • April 1, 2020 - 10:27 am

      Sash - Oh Kay, thank you! I had no idea if anyone would be here any more if I sent something out into the world. It’s so nice to hear from you!ReplyCancel

  • March 31, 2020 - 6:48 pm

    Christen - Welcome back. Wonderful to see you writing in this space again. You have always been a voice of calm in a storm.ReplyCancel

    • April 1, 2020 - 10:34 am

      Sash - Hey Christen, thanks so much xx I hope you are well, wherever you are xxReplyCancel

  • March 31, 2020 - 6:48 pm

    Reannon - SASH!!!! I had to do a double take when I read your blog name in my feed. I’m so happy you’re here, that you’re back.
    Life in Perth is the same as everywhere- lots of people trying to figure out how to live in this new world. I work as a community support worker for adults with autism & even though I’ve lost over half my hours I’m still out 3 hrs a day helping people do their groceries, get their exercise, to be a familiar face in their ever shrinking world.
    Since last Thursday I feel like can’t get my footing. In one day I lost work & then got told schools would be closing. With kids in year 1, year 2 & year 12 my mind is scrambling to figure out how to make this work while still trying to hold on to my job as long as I can. I feel super emotional but am finding solace in crocheting at night, gardening in the afternoon & sharing far too much nonsense on Instagram. My mantra is we’ll be ok. We will. I repeat it often.

    I’m looking forward to reading your words more often. Welcome back xxReplyCancel

    • April 1, 2020 - 10:26 am

      Sash - Oh Reannon, it’s hard isn’t it! You will be okay. You will. Keep repeating! This is such a weird time for everyone. Being kind to yourself is very important!ReplyCancel

  • March 31, 2020 - 6:53 pm

    Herlina Masonwells - Oh Wow! checked my Twitter after loong time and saw your tweet <3 . It bring backs so many memories of how we all 'met in Facebook Group pregnant and finally one by one gave birth. The ups, the down, together in that little 'village'ReplyCancel

    • April 1, 2020 - 10:25 am

      Sash - I miss those days! It was always so nice to be surrounded by so many amazing women! I hope you are well? xxReplyCancel

  • March 31, 2020 - 8:49 pm

    Sonia Rosenbalm - I’m so happy to see your writing again. And I’m glad to hear that your family is doing well. 🙂

    Life in our area of the US has become slightly more restricted with each passing week. Because of everyone’s panic stores have had to limit their hours & quantity of food you can buy. I was definitely for this limit because it’s allowed us to find the items we need. Not like the first week, when everything was bare. However, some of us still have to go to work so we try our best to just get through all of the madness- taking it day by day. It’s been a struggle having to make it a habit to disinfect every day though. When this is all over I wonder if we’ll keep it up?ReplyCancel

    • April 1, 2020 - 10:36 am

      Sash - We are doing the disinfecting thing too as my partner must be at work for now. I wish we could all just tuck up in our bubble and not let the outside world in at all, but we don’t have that privilege. Purpose driven work is good for him, some days I wish I could swap places and leave him here with the kids though. We are becoming more and more restricted too, day by day. It’s hard, but we are so lucky. I wonder how the world will be changed at the end of all of this. For the better, I hope. I hope.ReplyCancel

  • March 31, 2020 - 11:49 pm

    Adelle Wigley - Helloooo! So happy to find you posting again, I never posted previously but this blog got me through some dark times after my husband passed many years ago and I found my self a single parent, leaving my ‘ever-after’ life in Australia and moving back to the UK where I am from. I am still in this position, though much more accepting of my situation and feeling blessed to now be in a position of privilege and stability, as this virus wreaks havoc worldwide. Very much looking forward to reading your posts again, you have the most inspiring, thought-provoking and uplifting writing style XxReplyCancel

    • April 1, 2020 - 9:51 am

      Sash - Thanks so much for coming back! Thanks for your kind words! I’m so glad you’re in a good place of stability in this topsy turvy life. I hope we get to know more about you as we come together more and more over the next few months. xxReplyCancel

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